It's been...a few months...
Life's been...interesting...

I'm living at least, I guess I can't really complain about too much when there is really so much to be thankful in my life.
Junior year is almost over. In a way I am honestly not so happy. With the end of this school year, it means I'll be a senior. With senior year coming so fast it means soooo many things to start thinking about and so many things to start preparing myself for.
I plan to go to school for nursing, at least I know that. I don't know where I really plan to go but my friend Amy is dedicated to making sure that we don't get seperated. But leaving home... that I'm not sure how well I'll be able to handle.
I miss Wednesday nights. I miss being able to see everyone half way through my week. It use to be such a relief to see everyone and then get up and sing and just be apart of a group that would stand beside me through everything. I love my youth group, but when I'm not there for BV I honestly feel like I'm missing out. And I know I am. I want to come back so bad...it's just hard sometimes with everything going on and work.
I love you guys.
And I'm sorry to not be around alot when I know it's what I should be doing rather then sitting home just because the gas fairy hasn't come to visit me. :)

Digging Myself Out

   This week has been better.
I'm more tired now because of this week than I have been in a long time. I'm looking forward to tomorrow morning because I can sleep till like 1:30 if I really wanted to but that won't happen.
I've been up late almost every night this week working on stuff for school, working, or at practice and I've gotten up at like 5:30 acouple of times to go to school for 6:15 to practice my shots with one of the gym teachers who wants to see me play more.
Last nights game: We played Camden. A very highly rated school in my district. We lost by 18. Not bad considering last year when Varsity played them they got smushed by like 50-60 points! I played about 3 minutes and 49 seconds, my dad was counting he said. I was upset about it after half time when I still hadn't played but I've learned just to go with the punches, I can't do anything about it right now except work as hard as I can. Last night I proved something to my coach though. I had been in the game for about 30 seconds and gotten two fouls...which is...bad in a sense but it was my first two of the season so I had to get it out of my system. The first one was because of a shot and I happened to be in a girls way and whatever lol. The 2nd one...I'm not sure who's fault it was, it was called on me. But I was going down the court for the pass and a girl was coming from the opposite direction, I didn't see her and we kind of plowed into each other and I completely took her out. It was great. I was mad about it at first cause I thought I had just hit her but later on people told me she was running too, so it was kind of just a call because she fell and I didn't. My friend Dan was sitting behind our benches and he told me later on when I drove him home "Your coach made a comment about you, he said he now knew who the toughest one out there was" that made me feel good so the fact that I hadn't played most of the game was put on the back burner.
I guess things are getting better. I'm happy it's finally Christmas Break, I needed to get away from that school. There is sooooo much drama throughout those halls. I can't get through a day lately without someone pushing the latest gossip on me and I really just don't want to hear it.
I miss you guys. I don't like not being able to get down there on Wednesdays anymore. I really wish it were at all possible. And I'm sorry I haven't been very...happy...I guess you could say lately, when I'm around you guys. Things are getting better though.
Thank You for your prayers and all your kind words. You don't know what it means to me to know that there are people around me who are willing to listen and get me through all of this.
C U Sunday!

Stuck

I'd love to say that things are so much better, that there has been a complete turn around in my life. But that would all be a lie.
Basketball...is nuts right now. My team won on Tuesday but I didn't play a single second on the game and neither did my friend Amy. We both play post and because there are 6 posts, the 4 that were on varsity last year played the entire game. Then at yesturday's game, we both only played 54 seconds of the very end of the game. It was so pointless. Except for the fact that I gave Amy the ball and she made the final basket, but we lost by 9.  At practices, because we have too many posts and not enough guards to scrimmage each other, Amy and I are put as guards but we're not expected to learn that spot either cause we won't play that spot in the game. I'm so confused by the whole thing. I don't understand why they put us on varisty if they are going to play us. I've worked sooo hard the last couple weeks to come back from being hurt but it doesn't seem to be making any difference.
School feels pointless for some reason. I usually like school, or don't mind it. But lately I've felt as though everything is just not worth it.
I'm stuck in this slump and everything is getting to me.
Everything that has happened to hurt me in the past couple months keeps coming back to me and weighing down on me.
I'm sorry if I'm not much to talk to lately. I don't even know what is really wrong with me so I don't know what to do about it.
I Love You All.
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. And thank you for just being the people that you are.

Life Really is Too Short

Basically. I don't know what to do.
The last two weeks have been harder than ever imaginable. I feel like I'm falling apart inside and out.
Tryouts ended last week, I made varsity. Which is great, but being on the team means a lot of drama. I can't really say why though. It seems like every day since my coach put the team together there has been a new issue. Our game on Tuesday was horrible, the school we played was amazing to say the least and we aren't in shape yet. Basically the worst blow-out game I've ever been apart of. I was out for half the game too because I pulled something in my thigh and it has been buggin me ever since. Which makes for a fun practice, my coach only lets me run half speed which bites badly although it still hurts. I hate not being able to play like I want to and proving myself on the team.
Last week was a hard week in other ways too. Ways that no one should ever have to experience. Most of you probably know about it by now. Tuesday night a graduate from my school last year was killed in a car accident. I didn't know her very well, but I am close to the people that she was very close to. The wake was Saturday, there I was okay until one of my best friends came in in tears and I could do nothing but hug her for minutes. The funeral was Sunday (hence the reason I was not in church)...there I realized how fragile life it. I feel now that I've taken so much for granted. There is so much I want to do with my life now, and so many things I want to work towards experiencing. Life is to short to waste so much time.
Her name was Madison Paige Dillingham. She was only 18. Sitting at the church on Sunday afternoon, I watched as the tears fell from every eye. As they read stories of her life and showed pictures of her and the people dear to her, I realized how precious my friends are to me. I can't imagine my life without any of you or any of my friends from school.
I'll recooperate, eventually. But for now this is it. There is so much running through my head, I just don't know what to do or to say to those that are so hurt from this loss. I know she's in a better place now, but it'll be different without her actually here now.
I'm tired...yet practice isn't for another hour and a half.
I Love You all so much. You all mean the world to me, thank you for being who you are and allowing me to be apart of your lives.

Amanda

Basketball Schedule

I got my basketball schedule for the entire season for all or any who are interested lol.   I vote that everyone takes a field trip up to see me play sometime lol, it'd be really nice to have you all there. Last season some of you did!!! that was awesome cause they were afraid of the ball...don't worry if I'm on the court I won't let it hit you lol. I love you guys.
Game Schedule: (write it down :D )
All of my home games depending on if I make JV or Varsity. JV games start @5:30 and Varsity starts @7
November 28
December 12
December 15
December 21
December 29
January 4
January 9
January 11
January 30
February 6

The season officially starts the week of Thanksgiving with 3 hour tryouts everyday except Thanksgiving for a week. With the start of the new season it also means that I won't be able to go down to BV practice every week, and for some if I can be there I will be late and smell icky from practice so I'm not sure how that will work out. I still want to be apart of the team and I will be there as much as I can I just don't know how often that will be.
I Love You guys! You don't know what all of you have done for me, in just taking me in. I'll see you all tomorrow!